The Meaning 'Shi' Had
by fanofthisfiction
Summary: When a hidden message is discovered by little Shikadai, Yoshino reflects on the spirit and love of her late husband.


Disclaimer: Naruto and its characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

Note: This can be read as a one shot, but loosely follows Chapter 2 (Titled: Ruthless) of my story, "Nag." For those readers who had asked for a story about Yoshino and her reaction to being a Grandma, I hope you'll like this one.

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Yoshino sighed with a content smile on her face as she finished peeking in to check on her little grandson. Sweet Shikadai lay peacefully curled onto his side with a tiny smile upon his face as he slept. It was a tender moment, one she would imprint in her memory for all of time. She adored these personal moments when everything precious to her appeared right before her very eyes. He reigned a special little place in her heart and when she didn't think she could love so fiercely again, he proved her wrong.

Many things were lost in the War, and in its aftermath, pain and sorrow were palpable in the Village. When the reality of her husband's death settled in, dark days and sleepless nights ate away at the fire of life she once possessed. Nothing seemed quite the same after that.

Still, being a shinobi meant working hard to keep up the facade that things were fine. Everyone had lost someone or something dear, and she was no exception. Very few would see her harsh inner reality and know the brilliant spirit of life she once cherished was missing. Yes, she existed, but days lacked meaning.

In time though, friends like Yamanaka-san helped to ease the pain, and new life sprouted from the destruction. The next generation began to marry and she began to see pieces of herself and Shikaku in many of them. They helped remind her of some of the kinder memories and happier times of her life with him. She couldn't pinpoint exactly when, but eventually she was able to look ahead to the future.

Although Yoshino had only one son, Shikamaru, she considered her friend's children, Ino and Chōji much like her very own. Their busy lives started to fill her void, and once Ino became pregnant, at long last, lost feelings of hope and joy stirred within.

Soon, without realizing it, she found herself working feverishly hard to spark interest by her own son and daughter-in-law to fulfill her quest to become a Grandma. She'd admit she may have gone a bit overboard, but from the very moment she laid eyes on little Shikadai, the journey to get to that point was well worth it. His existence became a new light of sunshine in a heart that had been soiled by death and destruction. Becoming his Grandma was the purest form of bliss she had experienced in years.

Close ties with Shikamaru and Temari were fostered after news of his conception, and after his birth, when trouble was brewing outside the Village, she gladly accepted her role as guardian to precious Shikadai while his parents worked to keep the Leaf and Sand Villages safe. It was a job she could never get enough of.

During his three years, and even before, he sparked unbridled happiness into her days. He was the newest, cuddliest, and most precious part of their family, and she beamed with pride whenever he came to stay. No doubt he was a smart little one. He was a Nara after all. But it was the joy of the new discoveries he made, and the incredible love they shared, that managed to open her eyes to unseen happiness all around, and helped her to heal wounds from the past.

She smiled as she sat in the kitchen. The bento lunch of onigiri (rice balls), small strips of tonkatsu (pork cutlet), and watermelon slices was placed on the table awaiting her little prince. He would soon awaken and she could hardly wait. Before a second thought passed, the soft pad of little feet could be heard.

"Grandma?" he asked, still rubbing his eyes and letting out a little yawn. "You here?"

"Over in the kitchen Shikadai!" she announced.

Suddenly the rushed pitter patter of his feet came closer and the smile he wore instantly made her giddy. He often had the same glint in his eye that his Daddy and Grandpa had when they were pleased.

"Grandma!" he exclaimed in that cute little voice of his, running up for hug. She scooped him up, cuddling him into her body, savoring every bit of the tiny squeeze he gave to her. He was rewarded with a light kiss on the top of his forehead as she put him down.

"Shikadai, that was a good nap. Ready for a late lunch little one?"

"Yes!" he exclaimed already on a mission to the table.

"Let's wash your hands first," she chided and he readily complied, scooting into his seat after she helped him dry them.

She sat down and adored how his little fingers gripped the fork and stuffed his favorites into his eager mouth. He was a good eater and as crazy as it was, really loved his Grandma's food. She'd admit she wasn't as good a cook as Temari, but both of his parents often complained that Shikadai always said food at their house never tasted as good as it did at Grandma's. This little one somehow managed to always flatter her even when he wasn't trying.

She helped him to wash up and put the dishes in the sink for later.

"What would you like to do today?" she asked, clearly excited.

Shikadai looked around and found his Japanese character tablet on the floor. He was a sponge when it came to new knowledge and he tugged her out to the front porch to sit down in her lap and review them. She placed on her hat to block out the afternoon sun and he happily repeated each character's sound as she pointed to them. Shikadai was fast on track to learning the Hiragana and Katakana alphabet characters and was slowly learning to put them together to make words, an impressive feat for his age. Many years had passed since Shikamaru was like this, and she had almost forgotten about this stage of passionate excitement to learn new things.

"And what's this?" she continued, pointing to the fish-hooked character ( **し** ,)

"Shi!"

"Good job! And this?"

"Ka!" ( **か** **)** he exclaimed excitedly.

"And this is "Da"( **だ** **)** and this is "I!"( **い** ) He laughed, knowing she was trying to get him to spell his name.

"Very good," she congratulated. "Now as a reward, how about I make you some strawberry lemonade?"

The biggest smile appeared on his face.

"Yay!" he cheered, fists pumping above his head.

She ventured out to the strawberry patch and placed her hat on the porch before going into the house to make some of her special strawberry lemonade. Shikadai continued practicing his characters and came over to her when she walked out onto the porch again.

"Look!" he said brightly. "I'm Grandma!"

She let out a small laugh. He had found her hat on the porch and placed it on his head, wearing it just above his eyebrows as she typically did. Her hat was oversized on his small head, but he was clearly brimming with pride pretending to be her. "Indeed you are," she chuckled, nodding in approval.

Just then, her friend and her three-year old grandson Inojin could be seen wandering down the path.

"Yamanaka-san!" she called out. "Care to join us for some strawberry lemonade?" Inojin perked up at the invitation and ran over. "You betcha!" he squealed as she laughed and briskly walked over to catch up with him.

By the time she and her friend sat down to enjoy their drinks, Shikadai and Inojin were already done with theirs and conversing in excited chatter.

"Why you wearing that hat?" Inojin questioned.

"I'm Grandma Nara," he announced proudly.

"Grandma Nara?" he questioned. "Shouldn't you be Grandpa Nara?"

Shikadai frowned but said nothing. He didn't know his Grandpa Nara.

"Inojin," Yamanaka-san interrupted. "Why don't you two run out and play?"

At the suggestion they quickly forgot about the conversation and excitedly ran off to the farm fields to play hide and seek.

Back on the porch, Inojin's last comment somehow managed to elicit a stroll down memory lane for Yoshino and her friend. The two recounted some of the funnier moments they shared with their husbands and with each other. Yoshino was nearly in tears when they recounted the time Shikaku was too lazy to gather proper wood for the barbeque pit and snapped off a few branches of the manzanita tree nearby to suffice instead. The intense heat that fried the meat to a crisp and nearly melted the pan had taught his lazy self a very important lesson not to cut corners. Best friends, Inoichi Yamanaka and Chōza Akimichi, had laughed so hard, even Chōza forgot there was little to eat for dinner.

Suddenly Inojin appeared. "Grandma," he interrupted. "I can't find Shikadai anywhere." A small frown was on his face and he was clearly distressed.

"Just call out to him," she advised. "Maybe he's still hiding."

"I did," he insisted. "But he doesn't answer."

The fun of the moment still played in their minds but they got up to help him.

"Shikadai?" Yoshino called gently. "Where are you?"

There was no answer so she called out louder for him, twice. At long last, farther out in the field a little voice called back.

"Over here!" he yelled.

Sure enough in the far field, he came out waving furiously at them. "Come Grandma!" he exclaimed excitedly.

Upon his call, everyone ran over to see what all the commotion was about.

"Look what I found!" he said, pointing over to an old oak tree.

On the backside was the simple fish hooked character, shi **(** **し** **)** , carved into its bark with an elegant stroke. He eagerly asked why it was there.

Silence settled in as Yoshino looked over to Yamanaka-san. A meaningful understanding passed between them before Yoshino smiled and returned her friend's nod. The time felt right and she was ready to share the story with Shikadai and Inojin.

"Your grandfather carved that for us," she revealed.

"For us?" he questioned, suddenly surprised but very interested. "But I thought Grandpa Nara was gone."

"He is dear," she replied a little solemnly, "but he carved that many years ago as a present to us."

"Present?!" Shikadai exclaimed, clearly wanting to hear more.

"Yes," she said softly, as she paused in the bittersweet moment. Yamanaka-san was getting a little sentimental too but nodded to encourage her to keep going. Yoshino couldn't share everything but she would at least let the little one know how special that character was and what it meant to her.

She took a deep breath in and began.

"Long ago, Grandpa had a favorite deer named Shi." Shikadai and Inojin sat before her in rapt attention.

"Shi became a very special doe to him but eventually she grew up and Shi became a mother." The two boys clapped. They liked this story so far.

"Shi was an especially good mother and Grandpa Nara carved that symbol in the tree to remind him of all she meant to him."

Their eyes went wide. "Wow!" they exclaimed in unison, knowing they had discovered a secret message left behind by Shikadai's Grandpa Nara.

"It just so happens, 'Shi' was one of the characters in your Grandpa's name, and he was thrilled when we chose to have it be a part of your Dad's name too," she shared. "Come to think of it, he would be so proud you have that as a part of your namesake also."

Shikadai beamed with pride. "Thanks Grandma, that's a neat story!"

She smiled back at him. "I'm glad you liked it."

"Does Daddy know about the secret symbol?" he asked, curious.

She smiled thoughtfully. "Actually, I'm not sure," she thought aloud. "He's never asked, and when I thought about telling him after the War, he was so determined to find an old box in the closet, I'm not sure I ever got around to it."

"Cool Inojin," cooed. "A secret even your Dad doesn't know about." Their eyes were alight with happiness.

"Grandma?" Shikadai asked.

"Yes?"

"Do you think that's why he carved your name in the tree too?" he asked innocently.

"What are you talking about Shikadai?" she asked, confused.

"You know," he said, "Yo( **よ** **)** and no ( **の** )."

"Yo and no?"

"Yes, you know, Yo-shi-no, ( **よしの** ) he enunciated each character clearly. Isn't that your name?" he asked in his cute little voice.

"Why yes," she said, then paused.

"But, what are you talking about?"

"On the tree," he said. Urging her to see for herself.

"Show me." He took her hand to wander closer to the old oak tree.

As sure as day, she saw the characters Yo ( **よ** **)** and No ( **の** ) scratched beside the central character of Shi ( **し** **)** on the low branch Shikaku used to sit on when Shikamaru was learning to redirect chakra to his feet to climb the trunks of trees just beyond it.

"Well, look at that," she said aloud, feeling somewhat special. "I'd never noticed that before."

Shikadai beamed. She always said he was Grandma's best discoverer.

"You know," Yamanaka-san said thoughtfully. "'Shi' was the last message your grandfather sent to Grandma Nara."

She started to get a little choked up, but kept the tears at bay.

In the meantime, the boys' eyes went wide. They had heard about Inojin's Grandfather's special ability of telecommunication of thoughts before.

"What did it mean?" Shikadai asked curiously to his Grandma.

She paused.

That fateful day Inoichi had the presence of mind to carry one last message telepathically to Yoshino from Shikaku after he said his own good-bye to his wife, and before the explosion wrecked havoc and took their lives. In that brief second Shikaku spoke one last word to her: "Shi," he had said before dead silence followed. Grief-stricken, she didn't know what it meant at the time. In fact, she thought the message was an incomplete one.

With the passage of time, she reached deeper in her memories and realized the message may have been a reference to Shi, his favorite deer. He discovered her when she was still a fawn and they developed a fondness for each other that Yoshino had never seen before. He would never admit it openly, but he cried the day she left with her new mate to conquer a new chapter of her life, and cried again when she returned the next Spring with her baby doe. What was most inspiring about their story though was the traumatic journey they endured when Shi lost her mate during the War. Physically she was fine but she wouldn't eat or sleep after that. The shine in her eyes diminished and it looked like his favorite deer had given up on life. Shikaku determinedly stayed by her side and despite everything, nursed her back to health, not only for herself but for her little one too. The struggle shook both of their worlds but the outcome was glorious. The day Shi left again with her fawn was such a tender moment. It proved love could overpower sadness. Whenever he went through hardship, Shikaku would often go out to stand by the tree to stare at that character. It was a symbol of love, strength, and perseverance for him.

All along Yoshino had known about the carving of Shi's name on the tree and what it meant to him, but not until now was she aware that Shikaku had carved her characters in the same tree too. It made her tear up a bit when she noted how he cradled the characters of her name around the central character of Shi's name in the part of the bark Shikadai discovered. It was so very touching and she realized it was yet another part of the message Shikaku meant to relay on that fateful day. The fact that Shikadai of all people discovered it had to be a sign too.

"I think it means he loves us," she said realizing this for the first time herself. "Both of us have a part of Shi's spirit in us and share her name with ours. If Grandpa were here, he would want you to know the 'Shi' in your name was there to provide strength and lots of his love, not only for yourself but for the generations to come."

Yamanaka-san felt the prickles of tears to her eyes.

"Well, I love him too," Shikadai said with finality. "I'm glad there's a part of him that lives with me even though he's not here."

Yoshino nodded. "Me too."

His grandmother eyed her friend and they smiled.

"Well, thanks for the story Grandma," Shikadai replied. "Hey Inojin, I have an idea. Let's try to send some secret messages to each other," he suggested.

"Good idea!" Inojin agreed as they ran off. Yamanaka-san laughed. Three-year old minds could certainly switch from one thing to another quickly. These two were definitely growing fast and it wouldn't be long before they really would start to learn the Clan's techniques and begin their own adventures together.

Yoshino lingered by the tree while her friend went to chase after the boys. She took the moment to close her eyes, then smiled.

"You're here, aren't you?" she asked quietly. Of course he wouldn't answer. She shook her head. Just as she was about to leave though, in the corner of her eye she saw a deer and it's doe. _Shi?_ she wondered. But there was no way it could be. _Shi's doe?_ That might be a possibility but before she had a chance to see for sure, they were gone.

In the distance she could see Shikadai and Inojin laughing and playing. Life did have sweet moments despite the hardships. Maybe that's what Shikaku had meant to add also. She smirked. Secret codes that took years to decipher would be just up his alley.

"I miss you," she said aloud. "You would have loved him, you know. There's no other like Shikadai."

Just then a shout from the end of the yard caught her attention.

"Grandma!" Shikadai called. "Get ready!" he exclaimed. Inojin and I are seeing who can get the most hugs from their Grandma." He charged over at full speed, ready to be snatched up in his grandmother's arms. Shikadai was the best little hugger she knew and there was no way she'd pass up this opportunity.

"I'm ready!" she called back to him, anxious to indulge in the moment. Shikadai could and would always bring out the best in her. The hugs and kisses he shared sent her over the moon.

Yoshino could only smile. The spirit of 'Shi' lived within them and interlinked them together. Moreover, knowing how intimately special Shikaku's last message was and how it was Shikadai who discovered it, touched her like nothing else.

Life did go on just as Shikaku had hoped. Yoshino was now the central part of what 'Shi' represented in the family now. It took her long enough but she was grateful for the message. "Thank you" she said quietly and somehow with the squeeze back from Shikadai, she felt in her heart that her late husband had heard the words she whispered to him.

~End~

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Author's Note:

Never use manzanita tree wood for a campfire unless you want to burn everything. Shikaku's lesson is a camp warning everyone can benefit from. Luckily this isn't a story from my own life but it was from someone else's!

Secondly, I am aware that names normally would not use Hiragana characters to spell it. My limited knowledge of Japanese and the fact that this alphabet had simplified shapes that made it easier to believe they could be carved into the tree (and a three-year old could read it), was the reasoning behind using it over Kanji.

I wanted to try a reflective piece on the deaths of Shikaku and Inoichi from a different perspective than was given in the manga and to include some of the hope the new generation provides as a result of their sacrifices. I hope it worked. I also love symbolism and I know you will be able to see similarities to my story "Ties" here.

Additionally, if any reader can let me know what the name of Inoichi's wife is, I'd like to include it in this piece. I'd love to hear back from you if you have this information.

For you wonderful readers out there, I'd like to continue to encourage you to review the works you enjoy. Reviews on written quality and your impression of the story make my day and I'm sure the same holds true for other writers. Here's hoping you enjoyed this and thanks again for reading!


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